Comrade
You are already one of us. Your intake is a formality. Report to the nearest quiet room and await the written agenda.
People's Commissariat for the Cure · Form 22-C · Standard Diagnostic Instrument
Are You a Normie?
Twelve items. Four possible verdicts. The instrument measures your position on the Normie Index, from Comrade to Criminally Normie. Answer literally. The instrument cannot read your tone, and would not want to.
Instructions
Read each item. Choose the answer that is true.
Not the answer you would like to be true. Not the answer that makes you look good at a dinner. The true one. The Front recognises that this may be the first time you have been asked.
- Results are computed in your browser and transmitted nowhere.
- There is no time limit. Silence while thinking is encouraged under Directive No. 7.
- A verdict of Recoverable or above entitles you to a compassionate intake.
- A verdict of Criminally Normie is not a punishment. It is a diagnosis. Diagnoses are treated.
The instrument is ready. It has been ready for some time.
Twelve items. Approximately four minutes if you do not deliberate. Deliberation is permitted and, in the Front's experience, a good sign.
Scoring · The four verdicts
What the Index means
Recoverable
Symptoms of Emotional Reasoning Disorder are present but not entrenched. A course of Structured Agenda Conditioning is indicated. Prognosis: excellent.
Normie
Established ERD. You read tone, you make eye contact voluntarily, you have described weather to a stranger. Pharmaceutical support is recommended.
Criminally Normie
You have said "no worries" while worrying. You have proposed coffee without a date. Full residential programme. We do not hate you. We want you to recover.
The Index does not lie.
It cannot. It has no face.
It cannot. It has no face.
Form 22-C · Approved by the Institute for Applied Literality · Sensitivity 0.94 · Specificity 1.00