The Party Platform
Sixteen planks. Each one states what the Front will do, in the order the Front will do it, with the ministry responsible named beside it. There is no preamble. A preamble is a paragraph that arrives before the point, and the Front does not arrive before the point.
Adopted without discussion
The platform was circulated in writing. Every delegate read it. The vote was taken by show of hands, eyes on the floor.
What the Front will do
The Literal Communication Act
Every statement made within the territory of the Front shall mean what its words mean. Implication, insinuation, and the raised eyebrow are withdrawn from circulation. A citizen who says "it's a bit cold in here" and wishes the window closed shall say "please close the window", and shall receive a closed window rather than a look.
The Act takes effect at 00:00 on the first day of Plan Year 1. It is not phased in. Phasing in is a hint.
Ministry of Literal Interpretation · Directive LI/1 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 1Abolition of Mandatory Eye Contact
No citizen shall be required to look at another citizen's eyes in order to be believed, hired, served, or considered honest. A sentence delivered to a wall carries the same truth value as a sentence delivered to a face. Interviewers, teachers, and customs officers who score sincerity by gaze shall be retrained by the Bureau within 90 days.
Bureau of Eye Contact Abolition · Directive EC/2 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 2Fluorescent Abolition
All 2,206,118 fluorescent tubes on public premises shall be removed, catalogued, and disposed of without hum. Replacement fixtures shall not exceed 2,700 K, shall not flicker at any frequency, and shall not be installed in a grid ceiling. Private premises follow in Plan Year 2 under a scheme of voluntary compliance backed by inspection.
Ministry of Sensory Environment, Directorate of Fluorescent Abolition · Directive SE/3 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 3The Quiet Hours Act
National silence is declared daily from 13:00 to 15:00. During Quiet Hours no citizen shall speak unless a fact is required by another citizen in writing. Music, radio, and the telephone ring are suspended. Work continues, because silence is productivity, as Directive No. 7 established before the Front had a single building.
Exemptions: emergency services, and the reading aloud of timetables.
Directorate of Silence · Directive No. 7, extended · Res. 12/2026, Art. 4Written Agendas for All Phone Calls
No telephone call may be placed without a written agenda of not fewer than one and not more than three lines, transmitted to the recipient in advance. A call without an agenda shall not be answered, and the recipient shall incur no obligation to call back. "Just calling to check in" is not an agenda. It is an incident.
Ministry of Literal Interpretation · Directive LI/5 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 5The National Registry of Acceptable Fabric Textures
The Front shall maintain a public registry of textures approved for contact with skin. Initial listing: 41 textures. Initial prohibitions: 216, including wool that is "not that itchy", the seam that runs across the toe, and every label sewn into a collar. Garments sold in the territory shall carry a Registry number. Garments without a number shall be sold as upholstery.
Ministry of Sensory Environment · Registry Order SE/6 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 6The Small Talk Levy
A levy of 0.40 Plan Units is charged per utterance about the weather, the day of the week, how busy things are, or whether it is nearly the weekend. The levy is collected by the Department for the Suppression of Small Talk and remitted in full to the People's Commissariat for the Cure. Revenue is projected to fall to zero by Plan Year 5. This is the intended outcome of a levy.
Department for the Suppression of Small Talk · Levy Order DSST/7 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 7Special Interests as Protected Speech
The right to speak at length on a single subject is recognized as fundamental. No citizen shall be interrupted, redirected, or told "anyway" while presenting a special interest. The Bureau of Trains receives a standing annual grant of 2,400,000 Plan Units, indexed to rolling stock. The Bureau of Taxonomy receives the same, and will file a correction if the two grants are not precisely equal.
Ministry of Special Interests, Bureau of Trains · Directive SI/8 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 8Open-Plan Offices Classified as Sensory Hazards
An office in which more than four citizens can hear one another chew is classified as a Category II sensory hazard, alongside the leaf blower and the surprise party. Employers have 180 days to install walls. Walls are defined as reaching the ceiling. A partition that stops at shoulder height is a suggestion, and the Front does not accept suggestions from furniture.
Ministry of Sensory Environment · Hazard Schedule SE/9 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 9"No Worries" and "We Should Catch Up" Designated as Fraudulent Statements
"No worries" uttered where worries were present, and "we should catch up" uttered without a date, time, and location, are designated fraudulent statements under the Literal Communication Act. The first offence is met with a written correction. The second is referred to the Register of Reported Normies for compassionate intake. There is no third offence, because intake works.
Ministry of Literal Interpretation · Fraud Schedule LI/10 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 10Mandatory Subtitles for Facial Expressions
Until the Cure is complete, citizens who communicate by face shall be required to state, in words, what the face is doing. "I am now frowning because the figure is wrong" is compliant. A frown alone is not. Public broadcasters shall caption all expressions in a monospaced font at the lower third of the screen. The Institute for Applied Literality will publish the approved caption list, currently 38 entries.
Institute for Applied Literality · Standard IAL/11 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 11The Ministry of Special Interests Grant Programme
Any citizen may apply for a grant to pursue a special interest to its logical end. Applications are assessed on depth, not breadth, and are not capped by usefulness. Plan Year 1 allocates 1,375 grants. Approved subjects to date include the complete numbering of every lamppost in the capital, a taxonomy of hinge noises, and a 900-page history of the 07:42 service that is still in progress and will not be summarized.
Ministry of Special Interests · Grant Order SI/12 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 12A Standing Army of Fact-Checkers
The Front shall raise and maintain a standing corps of 12,000 fact-checkers, uniformed, ranked from Candidate to Commissar, and deployed to every public meeting, broadcast, and dinner table on request. The corps is armed with citations. It does not negotiate with "well, actually" because it is "well, actually", organized.
Central Committee · Establishment Order CC/13 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 13The Cure, Funded at 41.7% of Budget
Not less than 41.7% of the Front's total revenue is appropriated to the People's Commissariat for the Cure for pharmaceutical and behavioral research into Emotional Reasoning Disorder. The figure is fixed for the duration of the First Five-Year Plan. The normie is a patient, and a patient is not billed for a condition the patient did not choose. We do not hate normies. We want them to recover.
People's Commissariat for the Cure · Programme Document PCC/01 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 14Foreign Policy: Treaties Shall Be Literal
The Front will honour every treaty according to the words on the page and nothing else. There is no "spirit of the agreement". A spirit is not a signatory. Where a treaty partner appeals to what was "understood", the Front will produce the text, read the relevant clause aloud at normal volume, and wait. Diplomatic receptions are replaced by the exchange of documents by post.
Ministry of Literal Interpretation, External Section · Directive LI/15 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 15The First Five-Year Plan Targets
The Front binds itself to the numerical targets set out below, one set per Plan Year, 2026 to 2030. Targets are published in advance and reported against at each year end with the original figure printed beside the achieved figure. A target that is missed is not reworded. It is missed, and the miss is recorded.
Central Committee · Plan Order CC/16 · Res. 12/2026, Art. 16Adopted in full. Numbered as read. The Central Committee notes that Plank 8 and Plank 12 were both proposed by the Bureau of Trains, and thanks the Bureau for its brevity.
The First Five-Year Plan
Five years, five sets of numbers. The Plan does not describe a direction. It describes a quantity, and the year in which the quantity is reached.
| Plan Year | Theme | Fluorescent tubes removed | Silent rooms in service | Calls with written agenda | ERD recovery rate | Milestone |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Year 1 2026 |
Foundation | 406,000 | 1,150 | 18.0% | 6.2% | Literal Communication Act in force. Registry of Fabric Textures opens with 41 entries. Small Talk Levy collected for the first time. |
| Year 2 2027 |
Enclosure | 1,102,500 | 4,800 | 44.5% | 19.8% | Every open-plan office walled to the ceiling. Literalin enters Phase III. First 3,000 fact-checkers commissioned. |
| Year 3 2028 |
Consolidation | 1,780,000 | 9,300 | 71.2% | 41.5% | Literalin approved for general prescription. Combination therapy begins. Facial subtitle standard mandatory on all broadcasts. The 07:42 history reaches page 600. |
| Year 4 2029 |
Extension | 2,206,118 | 14,000 | 91.6% | 66.9% | Last tube removed. Quiet Hours extended from Front premises to all premises by popular silence. Standing army of fact-checkers at full strength of 12,000. Levy revenue falls 80%. |
| Year 5 2030 |
The Literal Society | 2,206,118 | 18,650 | 99.4% | 87.3% | Levy revenue reaches zero. The Front declares the Literal Society and publishes the declaration in plain text, without a launch event. |
Published before, reported after
Each target is printed here before the year begins and the achieved figure is printed beside it when the year ends. The two figures are set in the same font at the same size.
A miss is a miss
A target that is missed is recorded as missed. It is not "broadly on track", it is not "directionally achieved", and it is not moved to Year 6. There is no Year 6 in a Five-Year Plan.
Verified by count
Tubes are counted by the Directorate of Fluorescent Abolition. Rooms are counted by the Directorate of Silence. Recovery is counted by the Commissariat. Nothing is estimated that can be counted.
From each according to their special interest, to each according to their sensory needs.
The platform is complete. Read the Manifesto for the reasoning behind it, or take the diagnostic to learn which side of the Cure you stand on. Both are in writing. Neither requires eye contact.